Community Service
by James on Jun.14, 2008, under Instant Classic
So I have been super busy recently and haven’t gotten a chance to update my blog. There are tons of things I could possibly write about right now like Quitting the TSC, My New Job at Apple, or Getting Lasik Eye Surgery in a Few Days…but I feel like I have done the Taco Tuesday community a disservice by not keeping my readers entertained. Due to my irresponsibility, I have decided to punish myself by doing some very tedious, and time consuming community service. With that being said, I would like to announce a brand new section of my website, I would like to call it, SidneyNotes:
Have you ever gone to Sidney’s (infrequently updated) blog and realized that you should have set aside at least half an hour to read through her most recent post? Here is your solution. SidneyNotes work the same way as Sparknotes (it condenses a really long reading assignment to allow you to bullshit an answer when quizzed on the material). Here are the SidneyNotes for Sidney’s latest posting, Far Overdue:
Far Overdue (Sidney Taylor)
Characters
Sidney: She is the main character of this blog. The world revolves around her.
James: Wanted Sidney to fall at graduation for his own amusement.
USD Valedictorian: Gave a decent speech at graduation.
ex-CEO of McDonald’s: Gave a crappy speech at graduation.
Sidney’s Parents: Don’t have to deal with Sidney every weekend anymore.
Sidney’s Boss: Says “Super”
Juan: Mexican pool boy. Sidney wanted to see his enchilada.
Leana: Redneck wedding bride.
The Groom: Probably attends The Blue Collar Comedy Tour every year.
Sidney’s Cousin: Her partner in crime.
Stuart: Has done to the TSC what George Bush has done to the white house.
Mullet Lady: Now that the laws have been passed in California, the future Mrs. Sidney Taylor.
Plot Overview:
Sidney starts off by apologizing for not updating in two months (yet offers no community service) and then begins talking about graduation followed by her graduation party which sounded like a drunken blur to her. She then talks about how she has moved to the ghetto but its a “nice, cute condo”. She moves on to talk about her new job and how she has already started her womanly duties there by cleaning her dirty cubicle. The next section talks about some inbreeding in the extended Taylor family when she attended the most white trash wedding I have ever heard of.
The climax of the post definately happened in paragraph number seven when Sidney rips into former managers who are incompetent beyond belief (and that might be a little on the nice side). I completely agreesed with everything she said here although I see absolutely no chance of seeing any improvement over the horizon. She ends the post talking about a woman she saw that was rocking a mullet. Overall, a good post that could have been split up into 3 different postings.
Best Quote
The 7th paragraph:
On another note, graduation meant quitting the TSC. It had been a great 3 years, okay a great first 2 years… this last year almost causes me to become overall indifferent. I learned a lot of things about technology that I will carry with me in years to come, but a lot more about people, managers and life direction. I learned IT is not where I want to work, it can be stressful, has needy users and little gratification. You don’t get many thank-you’s only “why is this broken’s” … The fact everyone acts as if they world is over and it’s a personal vendetta against them can be rather disheartening over time. But the real downfall was Stuart, not going to lie. I was sad the day Andrew announced he was leaving, and our interim boss-less period actually went really well, especially in comparison to when incompetence knocked at our door. We can thank Shahra and C-dub for that one, I sure hope they are pleased… although since then the entire IT department is headed downhill fast… it will be a very different place in less than 6 months, just wait. I do smile when I think I will never have to deal with Stuart any longer, I sure hope he took some of my advice and will make some attempt to be a better manager.. and by that I mean a manager at all. It was hard to be around someone I felt even I was more qualified for his position, and he just was so clueless when it came to everything. Hopefully we will just laugh about the whole situation someday, at least he consistently does something stupid that I hear about through the grapevine and get a nice little chuckle. I mean documentation on how to drive a golf cart, really?
Thats it for now, I love you all. Goodnight.
Ode To Tom Brady
by James on Jun.07, 2008, under Uncategorized
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God asks Peyton Manning first: “What do you believe?” Peyton thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, “I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my fans.” God can’t help but see the essential goodness of Manning, and offers him a seat to his left. Then God turns to Tony Romo and says, “What do you believe?”
Finally, God turns to Tom Brady: “And you, Tom, what do you believe?” Tom replies, “I believe you’re in my seat.” |
Hillarious Political T-Shirt
by James on Jun.03, 2008, under Link
This would be worth at least 500 points in Pictionary.
Rejected Netweek Slogans
by James on May.30, 2008, under Cartoon of the Week
I will add more later.
Rejection is tough…
by James on May.28, 2008, under Normal Post
An insider source has uncovered some internal documents recently stolen from Aldo Polygamists Inc, among which we found this rejection letter sent to Nicki Osborn. Nicki had apparently been applying for the coveted “Girlfriend #4″ position at the big A, however, sources claim that her unwillingness to go out and her lack of altitude prevented her from moving up in the company. Check out the document below:
Manny Being Manny
by James on May.15, 2008, under Link
Okay, so I’m obviously not a Red Sox Fan, but I have to admit, this play by Manny Ramirez has to be in the top 5 of coolest plays ever.
And The All Nighter Begins…
by James on May.12, 2008, under Cartoon of the Week, Normal Post
Flashback to the first day of this semester, my English teacher says: “For the whole semester, I want you to write a page after every class period about the reading that I have assigned.”
Due: Tomorrow Morning, 10 am (12 hours from now)
Amount done so far: one passage…yeah, I’m fucked.
I decided that I am not going to pay attention to anything the books actually say and make these passages more of an editorial about random shit. I’ll try to post some of the funnier passages:
Excerpt from Frankenstein passage:
It was then that Victor’s mother decided that the two would someday get married.
This passage made me think: could an arranged marriage ever work? You hear about it all the time, especially in the far-east where arranged marriages are commonplace, but are any of those people really happy? Can we be told who to love? Can we CHOOSE who we love? I personally think the seeds love are planted when two people “click” and those seeds can eventually grow into a tree. By having an arranged marriage, you are not growing your own tree; you are essentially going to Home Depot and buying a pre-grown tree and plopping it in a hole in your backyard. While a Home Depot tree might look like a normally planted tree on the outside, it’s roots are very shallow and the slightest breeze might cause the tree to crash down to the ground.
Leave me some inspirational comments please!
Update (10:41 PM): Just downed 2 energy drinks after finishing my 3rd passage. The end is not in sight. I’ll leave you with this little morsel of amazingness from my latest passage:
The reason that I disagree with capital punishment (in the case of murder) is quite simple. The person that gets murdered didn’t get to choose how or when they died, so the murderer shouldn’t be able to either.
Update (11:23 PM): Nicki is hammered and has been drunk IMing me for the past hour or so. Its very amusing, but definately slowing down my progress. 4 down, 12 to go:
As far as “gold diggers” go, is it worth it to marry a miserable person if they have more money than you? If so, how much money? If they are REALLY miserable, does that mean that they need to be REALLY rich?
Update (12:07 AM): I’m already hitting a brick wall, this is getting bad. 6 of 16 done.
Whenever I ask people what they want out of a career, 98% of them say they want to be happy. That’s such a copout answer, of course you want to be happy, does anyone want to be unhappy? The real question is: what makes you happy?
Update (1:20 AM): I feel like the guy from that 5 hour energy drink commercial that crashes after a few hours. 12 of 16…good enough for me, I’ll do the rest tomorrow. I’m exhausted and the tireder I get, the preachier I get:
I’ve definitely experienced quite a few people who have gotten jobs because of who they know, and not what they know. And while it’s cool that your dad knows the CEO of some huge company, at the end of the day, you will be missing a feeling of self-accomplishment
Oh, that Cat Lounge…
by James on Apr.27, 2008, under Cartoon of the Week
The scene from Friday Night
For those of you that don’t know, we often go to the Catalina Lounge when we get bored or don’t feel like paying $6 for a beer. It is somewhat of a dive bar, but its always a good time and it gives us something to talk about the next day (and they have shuffleboard!)
So I went to the Cat Lounge on Friday night with Lindsay, Steve, and our friend, Tim, After a few beers, Lindsay had to use the bathroom. When she came back, she had a horrified look on her face. Apparently some drunk, fat lady decided to drop her pants in the middle of the bathroom and started screaming “I’m 37, I don’t care that I’m naked in the bathroom!” over and over again. And I thought the guy’s bathroom there was gross…
IQ Test
by James on Apr.25, 2008, under Link
This test is very flawed or I am very smart:
The test is 40 quick questions and should only take about 10 min. Apparently I’m some sort of genius (hopefully thats a sign of things to come). Click the link below to find out your score.
(you might have to hold down control while you click the link bypass your pop-up blocker)
Sidney’s New Site
by James on Apr.23, 2008, under Uncategorized
Well, Sidney has been trying to figure out what her new URL will be for her daily (haha, yeah right) blog. She has pretty much narrowed it down to three options and I decided to make a couple logos for each one:
Vote Here:
